Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
