I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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