just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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