Four minutes until I can fart!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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