hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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