I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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