someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize