We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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