I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
