New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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