I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
