jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
