apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
