Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
two words...techno handjob
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
