So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
