i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
