Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize