it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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