He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
