There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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