Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
