She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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