Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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