Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize