I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
