I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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