Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
