My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
