New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
