god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
