Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
