i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
