the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
