shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
