He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
