i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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