fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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