absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
