after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
being pregnant is like rehab
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
