textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize