I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
wow bdsm is so cute
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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