i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
