when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
