I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
