I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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