Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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