8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
