There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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