this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
