I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
