I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The Olympian is in my bed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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