I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
