I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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