Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
