the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
