So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to be your penis for a week.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
