I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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