You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
