Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
