and she was petting her beer can
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
