I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
