i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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