It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
