You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize