I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
