it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
