there's paper in my vomit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
