we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
