Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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